I haven't "found myself". And you don't need to find yourself either. You are right there - literally looking at yourself in the mirror. My true self has always been there, under a lot of layers that I have put on over the years. And it's the same for you too. Kind of like at Christmas when you put on every single gift that you received? The hoodies and the jammies and all the things. Kinda like that.
Then it gets really heavy, seemingly all of a sudden. It gets really heavy carrying around the guilt, the shame, the hurt. The not feeling heard, appreciated, valued. And for me, a lot of the layers were not even mine to be carrying. Actually a lot a lot of it was, and still is.
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We don't realize it's happening.. it's just one thing, it's small, not worth speaking up about. They were just having a bad day, you understand where they are coming from, you are strong so you can handle it. But a lot of small things add up to a lot of weight. On your mind, on your heart.
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So you can start today, start finding yourself again. Under the layers of other people's hurt that you have been carrying and your shame, your fears. The perceived and the real. Even if today you only take off one bead off one of the necklaces that your cousin gave you ten years ago, that is progress.
My mom says this.. and it is so very true. If it has taken you 40 years to build it up, don't expect it to take only one year to take it off. Once you begin to lighten your load, you will be shocked about how heavy it was. But it takes strength to have carried it. Be proud of how far you've come. Then one by one, start peeling off the layers. And keep going until you find your real self. He/she/they is under there.
Waiting to be found again, waiting for you to get there.
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I can't wait to meet you Xo.
